Original sin

(Journey in a Broken World)

Article by Marc Aupiais

Doubt is natural: and my natural state when dealing with doubtful things, but not God.

I find that when I doubt God, or such, I move from him. When I doubt what he has said in the past: then I doubt him, or follow other voices claiming to be him, or misinterpret what I see or feel.

They say Pride is the Original sin, but was there not doubt before pride: and you shall know wrong from right? Surely: they doubted God's power, or that what they had was best: so they then thought that as God could not: they could: but then again: is this not pride: the route of all sin: but surely, pride: is a form of doubt?

Now doubt is good: yesterday I showed that: but doubt is a reaction to something which has alterable nature: which is fallible: but we must never doubt the voice of Reality: of God: and so eventually: pride is always about doubt: and in doubt : fear: is that not the route of all sin: fear: but not fear of God's wrath: which saves us from this other fear.

Now, one of my readers objected to Augustine, they said: it sounds exactly like he abandoned his son. Perhaps he did, but here doubt is good: we know Augustine is a saint: so it is better to doubt that he sinned, even when sinful: than to accept any bad thing we hear about him. Adam and eve doubted an infinite being, and accepted the word of a lesser creature. Surely, snakes were made for men, not men for snakes: yet they heard the word of what looked like an animal: over that of Truth itself.

Now, when accusing a person, except sometimes in immediate danger: should we not have evidence of their offense, for there is evidence of any accusation we make: against us whenever it is not true?

Now Adam and Eve: accepted false testimony that God was not doing what was best for them: from a being lesser than them?

How foolish?

Indeed: God is Reality: the mediator of existence: like a background to the universe. Now I am going to use a word which is very special: but when using it: it must be respected, which is which I will not spell it so you can pronounce such, it must be taught, not just observed. God's name is YHWH: if you insert the vowels. I AM Who I AM: reality.

So, they chose to hear an inferior being over the voice of Reality itself: it is crazy, not inevitable: it is doubt of Fact itself.

Now, yeasterday was Christmas: and we give gifts: beause in Christians we acknowledge Jesus, whose birthday we celebrate, and in non-Christians we acknowledge man: who does not see God's gift in Jesus, so we give them also a gift: but really: in both, we mimic God: who gives us the gift of himself.

Now, the most evil men on the planet: mimic God, but not just on Christmas.


You see, God is Reality: Reality has always been, contains all beings in its belly: it is eternal, infinite, powerful, and all these things. Men who want power, they want to be like God, men who want control: again, men who want every sort of evil: mimic God. Sexual intercourse: is a manifestation of the interactions of the Trinity: except now you say: sometimes sex is evil: in fact, in most circumstances it is, is it not?

Sex is evil when it doesn't manifest God properly, and with all the elements. When God came down, he came down as a just little child, and left all the knowledge of God: except that needed for our spiritual edification behind in heaven. Sex does not manifest the trinity properly, when it does not possibly spawn a child, as the Father and Son spawn the Holy Spirit. When the parents want to prevent a child, except in the natural methods advised by church and bible: Natural Family Planning that is: then they are saying that the Father and Son: that they don't love the Holy Spirit, so as to continually support it, for He too is eternal.

When the action does not manifest selflessness in a sense, and a bond for life, and does not strengthen or maintain a unity, then it indeed is evil. This is why Catholics are not supposed to French (for pleasure seeking) kiss even: before marriage. Seeking sexual pleasure apart from unity and openness to offspring: is not what God intended to give us. His joy is natural, and he is happy for his love: so happy, that even such pleasure which I have never myself had just yet (Not married): does not encapsulate his joy. Now, he wanted us to enjoy manifesting him: let us not exclude the manifestation and just steal the joy from God.

Likewise: all sin is desires out of the natural proportion, or misrepresentations of our desires: in Sexuality: we want love: to mimic the Trinity; and in every action: we have natural desires: when we sin, we are actually thinking that this or that action is our desire: when in fact it is but one possible way to maybe fulfill it: and if it is wrong, it breaks the perfect link of goodness between right desire, which all men have deep down, and right action, which is how we should act. Now, whenever one endorses lust, or unjust hatred, or pride, or jealousy, or acaidia, or sloth: all of which I mean in the theological terms: they again do as Adam and Eve: and acknowledge the inferior over the absolute, and beautifully proportioned. In fact, when endorsing these sins: we are endorsing desires we don't have: and so: we are saying: this is my desire, when it is not: and that is lying, and endorsing the opposite of Reality, of God: illusion.

Now, with Christmas, as with lust, when people say it is too commercial: they do not mean there is too much commerce, but that something else has not risen in right portions with the exchange of value: and so: when something is evil: it is incomplete: as exchanging money is incomplete without gift of self, when on this day we just celebrated.

How to view our tempting, how to comprehend our suffering, we who cry from all ends of the earth in anguish, and utterance of hoping suffering, and ut

(Journey in a Broken World)

Article by Marc Aupiais

I am drunk it seems, drunk not with alcohol, but with an insanity not my own. I know my actions are illogical, but it seems as I am powerless against them- that I shall fall, and I do.

Darkness merged with darkness, time stood still, around me something uncomfortable fills my sides, a black oil enters me, and surrounds me. I am drowning, as my heart bleeds, and turns to stone, heavy stone, like a constant pain.

Terror overcomes me, fear mixed in a sunset cocktail of ancient horror and terror. The trap surrounds me, as I shiver, and weep inside, and scream inside. Death itself enters me, and it seems- as though by my actions themselves- I pray to the devil- for his will to be done in the world. To the world my sin is small, non-existent, non-issues, healthy, sane, good- whatever it is. To me, I know I have failed, as clouds cover the heavens, and the sun becomes the color of black marble, and the yellow, orange, and green skies turn into a cocktail of terror.

Is this not what sin does to us, does it not create a deep gash in our chests, where our heart is, or affect our stomach, like a sickness, or like a dead beating heart in our throat like a rotten apple?

I do not exaggerate, by explaining the spiritual process of sin, but treat it as it is, as real as the physical, as solid, as rock solid as reality as the solid is.

And so, from all the earth we weep, and cry, our sackcloth a much sought out commodity, and yet is there any to comfort the sinner, or any who comfort all who have sinned, and broken their life, their soul- so that lava-like fiery scars cover their heart like veins? Indeed, to be sane, and in the state of mortal sin is a new horror for many a Catholic, to realize where they are and the horror of what they have done...

Immediately you may promise, and then without thought repeat your actions, the strongest oaths worth nothing to influence you.

Many now realize the power of the sacrament, they attend confession, and saturate the entire roster, with their presence, they go to church every Sunday and feast day, as God desired, and they live on the sacrament in their spirit. Both are good, and yet, when will the onslaught end. The stronger we get, the stronger the temptation. Our prayers only give us temporary safety, even hours worth of these, and our horrors become aeviternal scars. In fact, we will never be permitted to do away with sacrament, so long as we still live in the trials of the temporary plain, we cannot do without church on days of obligation, or confession at least once a year, but we can indeed even dare to say- conquer sin

Without the sacrament we are no-where in conquering sin, we must conquer it from within or not at all.

To stop sinning, we must become sane- and that is a horror. We start with the weeping within when our form commits a regular habit of sin, or acts like a mindless mythical creature. We start as we feel the horror of a mother who has lost her favorite child to a merciless, ruthless, unblinking, non-sleeping enemy. Darkness, like a mist thicker than blood- it covers us in our sin, and our energy in drained, our hope dying.

And so- we must determine to stop sinning immediately, not the day before our next confession, but today- and we must tell the priest everything needed inside the confessional. We must give him what we need in order to be healed by this spiritual warrior doctor, this... priest.

We must also vow to try never to sin again, and avoid, occasions of sin- if they be people, we may give them opportunity to change- but firstly value our own soul- saving another is never guaranteed. We then must use truth to set us free, even as we already have started via confession, on this long, winding dark path in the dusk of life- the dark just behind, the day ahead- walking in dusk- we race to find the ever-moving light. Indeed, the light is static, yet we must run to catch up, and will never reach it unless it invites us to join it. I know this- I have chased it countless times, and never reached it. I was spiritually exhausted, and losing water, yet my journey after the light was stunted, and I was barely alive by the time it reached me, specters of the night behind me, chasing me.

In fact, the night I sensed before my complete reversion- this was the lies and dangers of the world, of what in my dreams took the form of a deadly, ever-moving snake, which I aptly named kosmos (world). It seemed, I was only attempting to control the world, to fight it, and grapple, catch, or grab its neck to stop it biting me, but my accomplice in my dreams never gave up, and I never conquered it for good. This is how the world often acts, is it not- we try to control our lives, so that we are not hurt, in our small amounts- we compete to protect our forms, and fight like insane depraved wild creatures- to save our lives every time. Indeed, we should be so zealous for our lives, but what is our life, but our soul. That is the literal meaning of soul- breath is it not?

Kosmos still haunts me when I sin, his strength and size grow with my sins, and reduce to nothing with my consistent righteousness. He scared me allot, this phantom of dreams, often I would wake up sweating, even screaming. The reality of this, which is only a dream character- is so exemplified in a real snake I once found in my house, while walking bare-foot up my stairs, and over the small, angry, pitiable creature.

Our sin is like an external being, if we play with it, it only bites us and fills our veins with venom- which kills us. We must realize more than cautiously, more than boldly, in a complete infusion of belief- any desire to sin is a deception.

We must then look deep- to see what our actual need and want is- is it desire for freedom, to finally reveal the truth, to be good, to be successful, to be loved, or to love, to be accepted, to feel safe, or be comforted, or in comfort, or to comfort others, or be doing something of much purpose in living our gold dusted existence- in the darkness of our world? Whatever it is, we must find the natural desire, and decide to strengthen it, so as to chance away kosmos, our sin inducing snake. And when we fall- we must use the sacrament, no vow, no prayer, no hope can save us apart from the sacrament or its ghostly counterpart- whereby we would seek it if we knew of it, yet seek and obey truth as be it we can- real truth, not "defined" truth.

We must realize- Christ descended to our level, and went through temptation. How are we to gain our merit certificate, our crown, if we do not overcome an enemy. We are to see any temptation as an opportunity to prove ourselves, to grow our self, by conquering our sin- through self control, choice, and then finding our actual desire, likely with some aid of prayer- and kicking out the evil one by manifesting this desire, either at its rawest form, or else in another manifestation- which is healthy, and different. What is good- that is in the power and strength of God, so far as it is so, and preserves itself through goodness!