The mortal sin of suicide has always fascinated me. It seems to contravene Lumen Gentium XVI to say it always is for hell, but also it likely often is a mortal sin, and seems likely those who commit it go to hell.
I suffer from suicidal depression, periodic temporary paralysis, and 24 hour pain throughout my body. I am 21 years old.
The depression usually follows the collapse and pain. It is when whatever it is affects my brain. I sense a change in me and know it is coming. Brain chem alters. I have attempted suicide in this state. I survived. Each time.
I also suffer from PANDAS, something still under research, the cutting edge. It means that happy pills will mix with me in a Catastrophic way, I am more likely to die from them than my depression.
Pain killers also react badly, and most medication. When I take medication, I usually land in hospital.
The Catholic Dogma of Hell and Mortal Sin, and Tolkien's metaphor of tending our own little garden in life: our duty to God to live: keep me alive. My pain, which can feel like being killed, no doubt: is constant and always present. Sometimes, it becomes unmanageable.
Sometimes I also feel extreme emotions: love, anger, lust, joy, happiness, embarrassment, etc. These I generally control ten times better than anyone else: I have learnt to control emotion, but depression is different.
I tell when I sense the brain chem alteration, I pray and ask for prayer, I inform, and I try to get home and sleep in a dark room. I read also: Jane Austin has literally saved my life!
I fight depression: our task as Catholics. I control me.
The question for you, or anyone affected, if someone you know commits suicide: isn't: are they in hell, but how does one fight as best they could to obey! If I fight as best I can to obey- to live: to tend that little garden: and a sudden wave crashes, killing me as deeply as an ocean tragedy: how can you live as best to obey God!
My spelling goes, my ability to speak, sometimes my hearing. Sometimes when I get up, I go blind. My reasoning goes, my emotions too: these three remain: Love (Divine Charity); Hope (God's Hope in my Soul); Faith (God's Faith in Me; My Faith in God; Love; Hope; Family; True Good Humanity; Friendship; Community; Love)!
So from someone who knows; and who believes in obeying God to absolute: Catholics must focus on their most utter best: to strive: and when the pain is impossible: strive some more: try your hardest: to fulfil the duty to live! Life is a duty not a gift!
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