Friday, October 2, 2009
And yet it hurts so much... and yet... it does! Friendship, and truth- interconnected as they are!
Article by Marc Aupiais
I wonder at it, as its happening, as I watch it fall apart, and apart again.
I watch, not comprehending, hardly understanding... why again has it collapsed.
I still remember this emotion now, still feel it from memory, as understanding cradles what so often had occurred in my childhood friendships.
I understand now, that each friendship has its place if any at all, and its time. I understand and it no longer hurts should one end, or rather- it hurts greatly, yet is understood, and the pain is indeed even... comforting in a way- for it says that what I feel is true. The pain is good, in fact, true.
It is foolish to say our friends are our own, in fact we could not own them at all, and in my experience the closest of the "bestest" (those who promise most to remain friends forever) of friends may part for a reason or misunderstanding, or nothing.
Time changes man, and the souls or personalities or beliefs or ways which once fit, no longer do. Ultimately, we change, and change again as man. We do not stay static or the same.
Inside, pain moves, flows slowly or fast. We feel that our chest is tight, we want to cry or sink into oblivion, should a friend have been close. We pray and find no answer, or else simply want to cry.
The lesson I learnt after eventually losing some truly close friends was this- our friendships are governed by God, and are maintained while useful to him, while needed, or while we clasp onto them, as though they could even be eternal.
Once I felt pain as I lost a friend I had had for years, and anger also. Such fiery anger I felt, all that time ago. I wished justice against them, or something to show who they really had become. I prayed, and found I often then needed confession, or that is a sense I have felt of then.
Yet, goodness is fullness, and that which is good, is its fullness. That which is evil is where goodness lacks. Should it have been their goodness which hurt me, I would have been hurt, and yet better off for it. Yet, could I hold their lack to heart and feel pain for it? Surely not. For the person I cared for still was in memory, and indeed was my friend, yet what was before me was no longer them. I could cry for tragedy, but not feel anger now. For it was not their desire what occurred, but rather their misreading of this desire that lost me them to their thought of what was better apart from me, their once friend!
Sometimes, even I have found a person to be good as long as I needed them, to be perfect as a friend, the prayed for effect, as long as was healthy for my soul. I have found before that while a person was righteous as I knew them, they may lose their footing once I left- as though for my sake they had been kept true.
If our friendship does not fulfill God's purposes, we cannot expect him to keep it forever. I understand this now- and make sure I stand firm with friends in honesty, and yet in truth and love, and firm determination to seek what is best for them- which may well not lie with me. Perhaps only they and God may know.
Yes loss, whether in the relationship, or their very life- is hard, but the God of mystery is not a God who acts for no reason. A friendship may be restored, even stronger than before, or a death may save a soul.
Many things have their time and reason, and it is our place to always follow God, who speaks in conscience, logic and intuition- wherever this God of Sanity leads.
We should not fear the loss of friends by whatever means- even as we should pray they be not lost, in greater sense, we should ask this before we ask in lesser.
It is holding my tongue I have regretted most with friends, besides the occasional secret shared. To the true friend, the friend is more important than their relationship with their beloved friend, or friends.
And so, how do I view friendship- but as something as beautiful as snow, or a rainbow. True friends, I see as rare. But friends are human, fallible and breaking- 'cept those which do not break, or do not break any longer.
And so: we must know the truth- it is better to love than to be loved. This is the beauty Petrarch taught the world, even as it is better to love in reality than another kind of love.
A friend: someone entrusted to your love. A true friend, one who is entrusted back with you, and does.
Every temporary thing and way has its place, if at all, and its time- if at all. It is our place to serve, to do what is best despite our misreadings of our wants- which are much more vague than we'd tell the world, or maybe even our selves. Want and manifestation of want both play a role.
In friendship, we mimic God- who laid down his life for truth, and thereby his friends- but while laying it down- did not take his own life as a selfish man might.
May God bless us, as we entwirl in our many hopes and entangle with those friends who do good- yet let us rely first on Him, if not through them at times, and only then on them!
Who is Marc Evan Aupiais?Attorney; Writer; Enthusiast of Germanic, Celtic, & Romance languages, with a love of exploring law, speech, legal systems, linguistics, sociology, & int. news.
I have always been fascinated with the law. By chance, it happens to be my field. I am an admitted attorney of the High Court of South Africa, as of 28 January 2016.
It was my fellow students' suggestions, in the final years of school, that I might be suited to a career in law, along with long discussions with a friend of mine - which imbued me with a keen interest in the history, language, and laws of the Roman Empire - that made me realise that law was the choice of career that best suited the ideas and plans I had for the future. I enrolled in an LLB degree at Wits University and subsequently graduated Bachelor of Laws a few years later.
I completed, with distinction, the Law Society's Legal Education and Development (L.E.A.D) School for Legal Practice program. I am pleased to have had the privilege of having served at two very different firms during my articles, giving me a much broader experience of work in the profession.
I believe success requires not just hard work, but intelligence, perseverance, humility, integrity, ingenuity, diligence, a strong work ethic, and the courage to request the assistance of those better-versed in a matter, or field.
I am passionate about the place of my birth, South Africa and am proud to be a patriot and citizen of this diverse and beautiful nation. I consider myself a global citizen and keep connections in a number of different nations across the world. Communicating with people from other cultures, I believe, has aided me to have a more open-minded approach in so far as how I see and interact with the world.
The cultures and legal systems, morals, and courtesy systems, languages, intricacies and religions of South Africa and of the world, are subjects I love to research. I extensively enjoy reading and writing, and in keeping abreast with important events occurring in other countries, I find my knowledge of other languages, especially French, to be quite useful.
Law & Career
Law firms I have worked at include: DL Wilson Attorneys in Randburg North, Desmond Barry Attorneys in Morningside, Sandton, Botha & Sutherland Attorneys in Aukland Park, Johannesburg. I currently work as a Consulting Attorney for Serina Govender Inc. Attorneys-at-Law. My professional website will tell you more about me, where you might want to subscribe to my professional blog . I also edit and write for the SACNS, write breaking news for a multinational service called InfosNews Breaking News, and act as a correspondent for the popular french language Les News service.
Novels I have written include
A Lesser Instinct | My first foray into the world of long form fiction.
Read it without payment - on Scribd.
Podcasting and YouTube
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