Monday, February 16, 2009

Asking for Forgiveness

I read an article yesterday, (Zenit.org) after mass about confession and how sin puts a huge distance between us and God. The only way to avoid this or fix it is through confession ... the sacrament of forgiveness. Sometimes we think, or convince ourselves we are a good person, kind, caring thoughtful, we wouldn’t do some of the things we see others do so why do we need confession? But that is in our eyes only, we make our own judgments that don't actually even matter, our judgement means squat, nothing.

But Gods judgment of us, which is very high and he expects perfection sees thing very differently in our actions. He sees how we have sinned how we have broken certain commandments of his which are just plain and simple "sin". Regardless, if they are only little mistakes they are sins. We sometimes justify our actions as not sinning and we are quick to judge others actions. But who are we to judge, only God is at the end the one we will face for our final judgment and he’s the only one we need to be truthful and live up to daily, today.

Going into confession or getting ready to proceed in gets me extremely nervous, the wait in line, the quietness of it all, the concern if I am going to do it right is high anxiety for me. Not because I am not fully ready to confess all my sins, but maybe because I am intimidated with my personal stuff with different priests, I’m embarrassed and need to be clearer of my sins or what exactly the sin is. I find it hard to bear my soul to a stranger regardless if that stranger works closely with God. Why can't I just sit at home quietly and talk to God and wait for his response??Sometimes, the deeper we look the clearer a sin becomes within us, what was our part in it, the truth becomes very apparent.

I witness others going into confession and coming out very quickly, how is that? I think sometimes I need to go in for an hour or so, maybe even lunch with the priest to cover off all my concerns (actually have done that once). God forgives us but for me its understanding that and learning to forgive myself that can cause me the most grief. My disappointment in myself is hard to swallow mostly. I have sinned, there I said it, still I don't feel one bit better about it and with his forgiveness its still hard. I think deep down I didn't ever want to dissappoint God but I have, in one of the biggest sacraments we take in our life.

I have gone into confession and come out and totally forgotten what my penance was because I was so nervous. I have struggled to hear or understand what the priest has said to do sometimes because he talks to quietly and fast? I think or presume the more you confess the easier this becomes, it seems some people I know love to go into confession and that is their gift, the gift of forgiveness.

This is the step in our faith that will bring you closer to God and forgiveness, I need to try harder and will. I have always been like this since Grade 8, which was my first confession, all I remember then was saying "Forgive me father for I swore" ok so I took a small break from that day of confession for several years but I’m back. My sins are a wee bit deeper now since then and when you start to search your soul sometimes they start to appear like popcorn popping, way to fast to stop.

There are lots of parasites around us daily that will sneak into our lives and leach onto our hearts and emotions and become obsessions to lead us into sin, they are bad habits and sometimes people. Habits can be broken and if you realize what the parasite is it can be eliminated, this includes certain people in our lives unfortunately, masturbation, lust, and pornography etc., all deadly sins to name a few. The impurity of our hearts can cause us sin.

The joy God gives us with his forgiveness and salvation should be enough to make me anxious to get in there but I drag myself each and every time. I always thought I was very brave and didn’t need much help from anyone especially God but I was wrong. I have realized I need God very much in my life, more than anyone else I need him.

I constantly ask in my prayers now “God, give me courage” which helps to cover off a lot of territory for me. Its strength and his love I need the most, on a daily basis.

Well here in Canada today we have a holiday and its called Family Day, what better way to start then by attending mass and confession with the head of my family, God and asking for his forgiveness of my sins. Ok, I haven't slept a wink all night worrying about going in, but I'm going in today, looking very sheepishly, but I'm going in.

Sins distance us and we need to ask for forgiveness and let it go and start again, we can't give up just try harder each day for he gave his life for us and our sins. We sin all of us, in different ways and God has never rejected any of us, like we have rejected or turned away from him at times in our lives, he just sits and waits for us to return, thats some kind of love. We have rejected his love for us but his love for us has not wandered, he has been around us always just maybe we were to busy to notice his love, I was. Sometimes a sin can eat away at your soul and can destroy you, clear them and do your penance … pray, pray and pray for forgiveness. We have to trust him with our lives and let him guide it.

ZE09021504 - 2009-02-15
http://www.zenit.org/article-25099?l=english

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